What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 05:22
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Has anyone ever participated in a gang bang and what was it like?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
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Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So, i spoilt her more .
I don,t even have a pension.
Is it possible to revive a dead person in real life with black magic?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Can you share a picture of your favorite outfit and explain why you love it?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I will be 64.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I said to her
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why does it itch on my vulva, uterus, and sides of my vagina, but it doesn't itch inside the vagina?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
What did i know ?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We were not on the streets..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Which scene is considered the most difficult to watch in each of Quentin Tarantino's movies?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She married twice! .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My life is so biszare .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Put me off passion for life!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was seconnd youngest,
I never cut or harmed myself..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One cannot live in the past .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was 9 years of age.
When she asked me how she looked .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But it wasn’t much.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She was in good health!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We all went to grammer schools
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She loved him until the end.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
So whats the point in blame.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He knew the spot.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I have no regrets .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It was going to be , some day.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im still living with it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I could never make a relationship work though!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Ive learnt so much.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
(And it was in our own minds.)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She wouldn,t have been !
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was very sick at this time too.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He resisted the act ,that day.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And i lived it daily.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My family never makes their pension either.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But, we were locked up after school.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She found it foreign!.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Comes on , in middle age.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Especially a lifetime of it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Would this be the day?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I think the readers, may guess!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was scared of men, in general
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
All the time i was locked up.
I write beautiful poetry .
Who then, do I blame.?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I waited trembling.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,